Twas the Night Before
by Vorcha Girl
Summary: Alexandra Shepard tries to be helpful in the kitchen but only causes chaos, luckily it's the the sexy kind of chaos that Kaidan likes best! FemShep/Kaidan fluffy smut! (Rated M for a reason!)


_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N - Thank you to everyone who has supported me this year as I voyaged into the world of Mass Effect fanfiction. The support, kindness and amazing community spirit of the fandom has really touched me. Thank you to the people who followed, favourited or reviewed my fics, it has meant the world to me. An especially big thank you to those of you who I have chatted to, gotten to know and possibly harassed over the last few months. I won't name names or I'll leave someone out - but you all know who you are! ****This fic is a Christmas present to everyone in the ME fandom! ****Cover art is by Gotetho on Deviantart.**

**Enjoy and have a wonderful holiday season and a very Merry Christmas!**

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Alexandra Shepard smiled softly to herself as she watched Kaidan buzz around the kitchen in a flurry of movement. He was attempting to make some kind of a desert, while stirring gravy and keeping an eye on the turkey roasting in the oven. He looked adorable in a long sleeved black turtleneck shirt and blue jeans, but it was the ridiculous red and green striped Christmas apron he was wearing that she found so distracting.

He looked like a giant sexy elf.

Grinning, she caught a glimpse of herself reflected in the window opposite and absently straightened her white silk blouse and black pencil skirt, grateful that at least her outfit looked good because her hair looked horrible. Her thick blond curls fell past her shoulders in a tumbling mess of unruly waves that she called messy and Kaidan called gorgeous. At least this year, Alex thought as she pushed her hair out of her face, she wouldn't end up with globs of pudding and powdered sugar in her hair.

It was their second Christmas in their cosy house on the outskirts of Vancouver, and after the fiasco that had occurred the previous Christmas, Shepard had agreed to leave the cooking to Kaidan. It wasn't that she'd tried to ruin dinner last year, but her penchant for chaos and destruction had followed her into the kitchen and she'd ruined everything she'd tried to make. Her toffee burned, her mashed potato was lumpy and the turkey had been burned to a cinder when she'd forgotten to take it out of the oven.

Although burning the turkey had been as much Kaidan's fault as her own, she told herself firmly as she continued to watch him potter about the kitchen.

This year everything was going to be perfect during their Christmas dinner, Kaidan had told her earlier in the evening, and in typical Alenko style he'd declared that the kitchen would be a Shepard free zone. Instead of cooking, she'd been designated with busy work that was clearly designed to keep out of his hair and away from the food. That was fine with Shepard; she'd set the table for their dinner party, laid out Christmas crackers and had ensured that the Christmas tree and the presents underneath looked perfect.

Now, with their guests' imminent arrival and some free time on her hands, she hovered in the kitchen door and watched her husband through her jewel blue eyes. His face was tense as he added a dash of brandy to something he was stirring, and frowned in concentration as he used his biotics to float some sugar to him and added it to the bowl. He finished stirring and then moved to the oven and muttered to himself as he bent over and checked on the turkey, giving her the perfect view of his toned backside.

Her smile broadening into a grin, Alex crossed the threshold into the kitchen and moved up behind him, sliding her hands over his _derrière_ and wrapping her arms around his mid-section. Kaidan chuckled and straightened, closing the oven and turning around to slide his arms around her waist. He held her for a moment, smelling of cloves and cinnamon and making Alex's body clench with need, then stepped away and smoothly went back to cooking.

"You're not supposed to be in here, Alex." He glanced at her over his shoulder, his whiskey coloured eyes twinkling with amusement, "The kitchen is the forbidden zone, remember? No Shepards allowed."

"I can't help it," She lounged against one of the benches, inhaling the wonderful smells and watching Kaidan cook, her gaze roaming appreciatively over him as he leaned forward again to resume stirring whatever was in the bowl, "You look adorable when you..."

"Bend over?" Kaidan raised one eyebrow at her and smirked as he reached over and stirred a different pot that was on the stove, "I know how you think, Shepard."

"Who? Me?" Alex feigned innocence and laughed, "I was going to blame the apron, but your other _ass_ets might have had something to do with it."

He paused to grin at her and then went back to cooking, his brow creasing with concentration as he picked up the first bowl and tasted it, pulling a face as whatever it was didn't meant his standards, "This needs more brandy. Now where did I…"

She spied the bottle of brandy on the counter next to her and picked it up before he could finish speaking, "Here you go."

Alex stepped forward to give the bottle to him just as Kaidan unexpectedly turned around and collided with her, the bowl upending in his arms as they crashed together. The bowl and the brandy bottle fell to the floo with a loud clatter, thankfully neither breaking, although brandy and custard went everywhere. Shepard's mouth dropped open as she looked as the sticky yellowish goo that had gone all down her front and had spilled all up Kaidan's chest, even splashing onto his face.

Her eyed widened as she saw Kaidan's mouth thin into an irritated line and she held up her hands defensively, "That was not my fault!"

"Yes it was, and it's why the kitchen was supposed to be a Shepard-free zone!" He started to run a hand through his hair in frustration but stopped and made a disgusted sound as he realised his hands were covered in custard too, "Oh great! You cause mayhem, woman! Mayhem!"

"I'm sorry." Shepard tried to look remorseful as he agitatedly pulled his apron off, but the sight of Kaidan splattered in custard was too funny and she let out a giggle before she could stop herself, "It was an accident, I swear!"

His eyes snapped up to hers and with no hesitation or warning he scooped a glob of custard off his arm and flicked it at her, his lips twitching in amusement as it hit her square in the face and dripped onto her nose, "Oh, I'm sorry." He drawled, a slow smirk creeping across his face, "That was an accident too."

"Why, you…" Shepard scooped a handful of the gloop off her chest and threw it at him.

It hit his face and neck and dripped down his shirt, but she had only a second to appreciate her direct hit before Kaidan countered by tossing his custard covered apron at her. Alex squealed and battered it away as he dodged around the kitchen and caught her in his arms, pulling her back against his chest and wiping his custard-covered face against her neck as his fingers found her ribs.

"No! No, no, no!" She pleaded, giggling and squealing as he tickled her, "I give in! I'm sorry!"

Kaidan tightened his grip on her and lifted her bodily from the ground, "You'll get no mercy from me, Shepard!"

"No!" She shrieked and kicked as he picked her up and tried to carry her out of the kitchen, only to slip on the custard, sending both of them falling to the floor in a custard covered heap.

Alex landed sprawled on Kaidan's chest, and she pushed a tumble of curls out of her face as she raised her head and looked at him, their eyes sparking as their gazes connected. His chest heaved under hers and, although she knew she should be good and leave him be, she slowly leaned down and pressed her lips to his. Kaidan's response was instantaneous and he caught her by the arms and pulled her more firmly on top of him as he kissed her back, oblivious to the mess around them.

Laughing, Alex happily settled herself above him with a knee on either side of his waist. She let her hands rest on his chest, enjoying the play of emotions in his eyes as she traced her fingers over the muscles she felt under his shirt. He grunted as her hands dipped lower, and Shepard bent over him, running her tongue erotically along his lower lip, as she caught his mouth with hers and kissed him deeply, tasting brandy and custard as her tongue swirled against his.

Kaidan countered by moving his hands to her thighs, his touch delicate and gentle as his fingers drifted up her legs to her waist, pulling shirt free from her skirt. Shepard broke the kiss and sat up as she deftly unfastened the custard-covered buttons on her shirt and peeled the ruined silk from her chest. The cool air breathed gently against her skin and she shivered, her body shuddering in a different way as Kaidan rolled his hips under hers and she felt aroused he was.

Her body thrummed with desire and she gave in to the need to feel his lips against hers, almost purring as one of his hands tangled in her hair to hold her close and the other traced the outline of her brassiere. With an impatient sound Kaidan let go of her to tug her lacy bra down, spilling her milky-white flesh from the cups and into his hands. Shepard gasped and groaned as he squeezed gently and then broke the kiss to lower his mouth to her breasts; his tongue flicking across one pebbled nipple and then the other.

She felt his teeth lightly graze her sensitive flesh and her breath hitched in her throat as he drew one of her buds into his mouth, sucking gently and swirling his tongue around the tip, and then moved to the other. The sensation of his hot mouth on her cool flesh was almost too much, and she trembled as goose bumps broke out over her skin and she made girly sounds of pleasure. He pulled his mouth away and settled back on the ground, his whiskey coloured eyes watching her lazily as he pushed her skirt up to her waist, exposing her white lace panties.

"You taste delicious." Kaidan told her, his voice low and furred with lust.

Unwilling to let her husband have all the fun, Shepard slithered down his body until she was coiled over his waist and with a naughty smile that she saved only for him, she traced the bulge she could see in his pants. He made a tight sound of pleasure and his hips left the floor at her touch, his eyes begging her not to stop as he stared down the line of his body at her. Alex had no intention of stopping, and she unbuttoned his jeans and tugged them down his legs, laughing softly as Kaidan wriggled out his pants while she crawled back up his body.

"Alex!" He groaned her name as she wrapped her fingers around his shaft and lowered her head down, swirling her tongue around the head of his member before slowly taking him into her mouth.

Kaidan reached down and caught one of her hands with his, lacing his fingers with hers and squeezing tightly as she used her mouth and tongue to drive him wild. She loved doing this to him; taking him into her mouth as deeply as she could while he tensed in pleasure and struggled to control himself. He was a passionate man, and sex was one of the few times when Kaidan let go of all of his inhibitions and the connection between them burned brighter and hotter.

She sucked gently and then harder, sliding her lips and mouth up and down his hardened member as she worked all of him into her mouth, his strangled groans and cries driving her almost as wild as the feeling of him in her mouth and throat. Finally he reached his limit and pulled her away from his body with trembling hands, "No more, Alex. I won't be able to last much longer if you keep going."

"You're the boss." She told him huskily, planting teasing kisses along his stomach and chest as she moved sinuously up to finally claim his mouth, the air crackling around them with biotics and sexual tension.

"God, you drive me crazy." Kaidan told her as he broke the kiss, gently smoothing her curls back from either side of her face as he gazed into her eyes, "I love you."

Alex smiled, "I love you too."

Kaidan's expression was tight with need and she let him pull her closer for a kiss as she slid her underwear down, her body aching and hot with desire. He eased one of his hands between legs as she lay against him and Alex whimpered as his fingers found the nub at the apex of her thighs and he began teasing her. Rubbing gently around and over it, and then sliding two fingers inside of her, only to repeat the process until she was soaking wet and her hips were moving eagerly against him.

Their kisses grew more and more passionate, all lips, teeth and tongue, and Alex was sure she would burst from the energy building inside of her. Her skin felt feverishly hot and she could barely keep herself still as she pushed against him needily, her hands curling into the fabric of the shirt he still wore. The heat and electricity between them was as strong as it ever was, and she had to stifle a cry of pleasure as he nuzzled her neck and gently bit and sucked on the skin.

"Please, Kaidan!" She begged in between kisses, feeling like she would burn up if he didn't take her now.

Kaidan nodded and sat up, breathing heavily, "On your hands and knees, Shepard."

Alex shuddered at the deep, masculine tone in his voice that meant he was thinking of sex, and willing followed his orders as she got to her hands and knees, lust pulling tightly through her body. He rained kisses on her thighs and over the curve of her ass and lower back, his hands trailing down her spine as he moved his body against hers so she could feel how hard and ready he was. It was almost too much, and she instinctively ground herself back against him, desperate to have him filling those empty spaces inside of her.

Kaidan was only too happy to oblige and he knocked her knees further apart, then moved between her legs and positioned himself at her entrance. Alex arched her back and bit her lip as he began easing himself inside of her, his long hard length stretching and filling her until their bodies rested flush against each other. She had to work hard to keep her breathing even as his hands fastened on either side of her waist and he began to move inside of her, slowly at first and then speeding up.

The feel of him sliding slickly in and out of her body was enough to make Alex almost boneless with pleasure, and it was only with a superhuman effort that she didn't let herself slide to the floor and rely on Kaidan to hold her upright. He felt bigger and deeper from this angle, and when he found that magical spot inside of her she gasped and her back bowed, her fingers clawing at the floor reflexively as she sought to hold onto something. Kaidan chuckled behind her, a very male sounding laugh, and began to focus on that spot, his own breathing ragged as he fought for control as he pumped himself inside of her.

Alex whimpered as pleasure began to build inside of her and that delicious familiar heat began to radiate through her body, bringing her closer and closer to the edge. It felt so good! All she could do was close her eyes and hope she didn't fly apart at the molecular level as Kaidan pulled her back into his arms, his body still sliding rhythmically inside of her as he held her close. She moved with him, meeting each of his thrusts with her body and chanting out his name like as prayer as the tension and heat reached a crescendo within her.

The intense ecstasy crashed over her like a wave, and Alex cried out at the same time as Kaidan did, his biotic aura erupting around them in a cerulean wave that sent tingling shivers through her body and almost brought her again. He continued to move slowly inside of her, both of them riding the intense pleasure as it pulsed through them like a drug. She relaxed against Kaidan as she drifted back to earth, her head tipping back to rest on his shoulder as the room came back into focus and the golden hazy afterglow faded.

With trembling limbs, Shepard turned in Kaidan's arms, pressing her lips to his and kissing him deeply as he tightened his hold on her and pressed their sweat-slicked bodied together. She could feel his heart thundered in his chest and she smiled as he murmured her name against her lips, cuddling her close. Moments like these, when they almost felt like a single being with one heart instead of two, were beautiful and it made Alex smile that after all their years together they'd lost none of their magic.

The sound of the doorbell interrupted their peaceful moment and both of them cursed as they bolted upright, realising that they'd lost themselves in each other in one of the most inconvenient moments possible. Kaidan still had his shirt on and Shepard handed him his pants as she straightened her skirt and her bra, dragging her shirt on and doing up the button with trembling fingers. She giggled crazily as Kaidan pulled her to her feet, a broad grin slashing across his face as he kissed her breathlessly.

"Go get cleaned up and I'll let out guests into the lounge room." His face was flushed and his eyes still swirled with biotic blue from their lovemaking, but he did look more presentable than she did, "Once you're clean come tag me."

Kaidan dropped a kiss on her lips and ducked out of the room as the doorbell sounded again, his bare feet padding across the carpet. The kitchen was a mess; brandy and custard were splattered all over the floor and the gravy that had been cooking on the stove had bubbled over. Guiltily, Alex turned the hotplate off and then stealthily made her way upstairs, grinning as she heard James and Steve arriving, both of them commenting good-naturedly on Kaidan's dishevelled appearance.

If only they knew!

She showered quickly, dried herself off and pulled on a red shift dress, forgoing her makeup so Kaidan could get cleaned up sooner rather than later. She came down the stairs just in time to see her husband showing Joker and EDI in. The sounds of people talking and laughing came from the sitting room, and Alex guessed that most of their guests had probably arrived while she was showering.

"What's that smell? Is something burning?" Joker glanced towards the kitchen and grinned when he saw her coming down the stairs, "You haven't been letting Shepard cook again, have you?"

Kaidan went still as he sniffed the air and his eyes widened as he whirled towards the kitchen, "Oh no! My turkey!"

"Again?" Joker shook his head and took EDI by the arm, "Is this some sort of strange Shepard-Alenko tradition?"

"I guess we're both just a bit distracted!" Shepard mumbled as she waved her friends into the living room without her and hurried to the kitchen.

Kaidan had removed the giant turkey from the oven, its crispy skin looking a touch this side of being overcooked. He set it on the top of the stove to rest, removed his oven mitts and turned to face her, an amused look on his face as he crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes had returned to their normal golden brown and slowly, despite the burned food and chaos of the kitchen, a smile slid over his face.

"This, Alexandra," He nodded at the bird and took a step towards her, catching her hands with his, "Is why you're not allowed in the kitchen on Christmas. You're _too_ distracting. Lucky for you the turkey seems to have survived, unlike last year."

Shepard bit her lip as she remembered the way they'd ended up making love on the kitchen floor last Christmas too, and with a grin she stepped forward and kissed Kaidan, carefully avoiding the patches of custard on his face and chest, "I suppose we could stick to kissing under the mistletoe next Christmas!"

"I don't think I'll ever be able to stop with just one kiss." Kaidan's eyes glowed with love and he chuckled as he kissed her again, his chest rumbling with that masculine laugh that she loved, "And I kind of like this tradition." He stepped back as he turned to leave, pausing in the doorway to glance back at her with a teasing look on his face. "Oh yeah," His eyes sparkled and he pulled something white out of his pocket and waved them in the air, "You forgot these earlier. Thanks for the early present, Shepard."

Alex felt her face go pink as she recognised the white lace he had hold of; _her panties_. Kaidan laughed louder and vanished out of the door with them before she could say anything to him, and Shepard grinned as she began carrying dishes out to their dining room table. She and Kaidan definitely didn't have the most conventional of holiday traditions, but at least they always had a very merry Christmas!

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**A/N - I hope you enjoyed your Christmas fluff! Merry Christmas! :) Oh, and if you liked this oneshot, I have two others about the same couple - _Coffee and Chocolate_ and _Untouchable_._  
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